Brittany's Catastic Adventures
by allchildrenbutonegrowup
Summary: Well... Basically, Brittany babysits Stacy andStevie with her cats in tow. I got this from a prompt at the glee fluff meme, and then I don't know what happened, I went on autopilot.


**For this prompt at the glee-fluff-meme which I now realize owns my life... okay then: .?thread=4980457#t4980457**

**OH AND THIS WAS WHEN I WAS HIGH ON PILLS, FROM THE FEVER SO ENJOY.**

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><p>Brittany carried Lord Tubbington and Charity up the steps. Lord Tubbington mewed in protest.<p>

"Okay, but I just did your nails and if you even think of breaking one-" Brittany said and Lord Tubbington mewed at her crossly.

Brittany gasped, setting him on the floor. "I am not a smother mother! Take that back." She pouted and cradled Charity in her hands.

Sam opened the door, to a sight like this? Completely normal. He had his pizza boy uniform on and was ready to go. It was Brittany's turn to babysit Stacy and Stevie this week.

Brittany smiled as Charity batted the string from her hats. Yup, multiple hats. More than one, on her head. "Hey Sam." Sam waved.

"Uh, Brittany... what's in the backpack?"

Brittany shrugged. "My Barbie dolls, GI Joe dolls, some Dr. Pepper, some headbands, salt water taffy, pillows, Dots, some jelly pens, a lotta DVDs, and Mr. Tubbington's fondue and Charity's meat chocolate. Oh and a bunch of jewelry I had when I was a girl and an art kit my little brother bought me for Christmas that I never used because I'm not allowed to use paint because of the walls and I don't feel like covering them because-"

Sam waves his hands in front of her face and she stops, smiling.

"Ok. Thank you Brittany. I really owe you." Sam tips his hat to her.

"My pleasure." and Brittany curtsies to him. Stacy peeks out from the bathroom.

"Hi Brittany! Stevie, Brittany's here!" Stacy beckoned her brother and Brittany smiled, ushering Charity and Lord Tubbington inside.

"Kitty..." Stacy sat down and scratched the fat cat. "He's so big."

Stevie petted Charity. Charity purred into the small boys hand. "She likes me." he smiled wide.

Sam smiled at them and said goodbye.

Brittany waved goodbye. "Okay, Stacy... Stevie, I am entrusting you with a huge mission."

Stacy was being cuddly with Lord Tubbington and Stevie was high-fiving Charity when there eyes grew big. "Really?"

"Fo' reals." Brittany said, smiling wide.

She placed a glitter headband on Stacy's head and a black one on Stevie's.

"You are now Pillow Warriors. Do you know who those are?" Brittany whispered dramatically.

Stacy and Stevie shook their heads in pure awe.

"They're the defenders of the duvet, the protectors of the pillows, the fighters for the feathers... they're like heroes." Stevie and Stacy's eyes are wide.

Brittany withdrew a long pink lightsaber from her backpack. She also had a fake crown under her barrage of hats.

"I am Queen Brittany of the Beds and you are from two different kingdoms. Kingdom Stevie, who's wise and noble pet is Charity Unicorn Pierce... and Kingdom Stacy with the leash-trained Atkins-dieting on and off chain smoker Lord Tubbington the First, duke of Fat-Catopia." Brittany said, "knighting" her kingdoms.

"Who's your king?" Stacy asked.

Brittany's face faltered. "Um..."

Stevie piped up. "Isn't it Artie? The one who let me ride in his wheelchair?"

Brittany smiled. "Well..."

Stacy looked confused. "No, we heard Sam and Kurtie talking about Santana and Brittany. And a closet."

Brittany sighed. "My king is Dwight Schrute because Pam married Jim. But he's away on official Dunder-Mifflin-Kingdom Buisness right now. His king is leaving and he has to train Will Ferrel, I mean DeAngelo." Brittany's voice cracked. "All hail Michael Scott, may he rest in peace."

"All hail Michael Scott, may he rest in peace." Stacy and Stevie echoed and Brittany grabed a bag of cotton and pillowcases out of her bottomless bag.

"Here are your weapons that double as protection. You two are trying to invade each other, alright. So stuff as fast as you can and zipper the pillows. You might want to set up a fort, and make sure Charity and Lord T protect you two."

"What are you going to do?"

Brittany raised her head as if she were Queen. "I have to defend my country in this time of crisis don't I? And remember, although you're fighting each other... you have to act as one. Don't kill each other. Sam would never forgive me."

*  
>When Sam returned, he found a moutain of pillows, a lot of hats strewn everywhere, and Brittany, her cats, and his little siblings all asleep in a huddle. Sam chuckled. It was only nine thirty.<p>

He herded the pillows and the dolls arranged in army styles and pushed them in a corner. He picked up a handwritten paper signed by his sister and brother and read it.

"DEAR ANYONE READING THIS. WE DEDICATE THE JOINT LAND OF KINGDOM EVANS TO THE BEST GLEE CLUB EVER WHICH HAS OUR BIG BROTHER SAMUEL DANIEL EVANS IN IT AND QUEEN BRITTANY SCHRUTE OF BEDS (ALL HAIL MICHAEL SCOTT MAY HE REST IN PEACE) IS A REALLY GOOD QUEEN. AND TO ALL THE BARBIE, KEN, AND G.I. JOE DOLLS WHO HAVE DIED IN THE STACY-STEVIE WAR OF 2011, WE HONOR YOU ON THIS DAY.

OH AND HI SAM!"

Sam smiled and he laughed to himself. Brittany's cat woke up though and hissed. Sam's smile died a bit, fearing for his life.

Stacy sleepily rubbed the fat cats' head. "It's okay Lord T, its just Sam, Duke of Lemons. He's not from Kingdom Stevie. Go back to sleep."

The cat purred and glared at him one more time before sleeping again, and Sam shook his head, going to prepare for the upcoming days.

Brittany smiled in her sleep.

She loved kids.


End file.
